Sunday, August 29, 2010

Plan B

 Have you ever found yourself at a crossroads in life?

At a place where you are standing looking at two roads...
one road was the life you thought you were going to lead
and the other is the life you have found yourself in?

I am at that place.

We all have a picture of the way we want our life to be
and then we have reality
And when those two don't match up we feel tremendous
amounts of pain, guilt, frustration, and even anger.  
We all have dreams that don't come to fruition. 
Some are because of our poor choices, some are because of other's decisions, some are a combination of both of those, and sometimes I think there is absolutely no one to blame,
the only one to blame is God.
And gosh darn it, when you hit those moments doesn't it always seem like everyone else's dream is happening except yours. 
I swear it's like;
Everyone else's cancer is being cured.
Everyone else is able to have a baby of their own.
Everyone else's marriage is happy.
Everyone else is being offered a job.
Everyone else is receiving a clean bill of health.

So what do we do with these shattered dreams...
what do we do with our unmet expectations...
What do I do when I'm standing there staring, as my plan A
becomes a distant shadow on the ground...

Man, I think that is such a tough question.
And let me say that I don't believe there is just one simple Bible verse that gives you the answer.
(Believe me I've looked)

It's taken me a long time.

And it hasn't been easy.

In fact, I don't like it much.

But like I said in a previous post,
I have come to the place where I realize that
I do not control outcomes. 
And when my life seems like it's spinning out of control
it's just a reminder that I'm not in control.
The solution for me personally has been a long, tiresome journey...
Full of tears, heartache, sadness, hurt, disappointment, confusion, frustration and about every other emotion in the book...but all of those thoughts and feelings have landed me in the place where I can finally say,
Lord, this is not my dream. 
This is not the way I'd write the script,
this is not what I expected,
but it's not about me,
it's about you God. 
It really stinks and I don't like it, but I'm gonna trust you, walk through this pain and confusion and process it, deal with it, but
I'm not going to let it control me.
Because if I've learned anything it's that if I wrap my faith around my dreams, then when my dreams shrivel up so will my faith.

So everyday we have a decision:
- to make a choice based on our "interpretation" of our circumstances
- to make a choice based on God's promises, that
He is who He says He is

I chose the latter and I can honestly say,
my soul has been more
peaceful and joyful
ever since.

I see God working and moving in my life in new ways.
Yes..I promise to share some of them soon :)

I took the step.
Started down a new path.
A foreign road very unfamiliar to me.
One that I don't have a road map for,
but you know what...
I'm at peace with that
because I trust the Man whose footprints I am following.

This will be my final posting
at this blog site.

As we embark on this plan b,
my wonderfully talented friend Kristi
has custom designed a completely new
blog site for me.

You are welcome to join us on the journey!
Leave a comment or email me for specifics...
Thank you to so, so many for your genuine love, endless support and  continued prayers on our behalf.
My cup runneth over!!!

Signing off for the final time from
Casita de Alaniz.


Amanda said...

I am right there with you sister and friend!! We love and support you!! Amanda, Cody, & Kelton

Rebekah said...

I think you read my mind. I will keep you and your family in prayers.

jane deere said...

Tears are rolling down my face. I admire and respect you so much, Becky. You are my rock and reality check so much of the time. We have certainly shared some of the hardest things in our life and I'm so grateful for you. You continually give me new insight and perspective daily. Thank you for being who you are...always. Love you!

Anonymous said...

I hope things are okay with you.

Kristen Herndon

Amanda said...

You are such an example to me (and all of your friends.) I know I would not have handled circumstances like yours with as much grace as you did/are. God must have many blessings that you can't even imagine in store for you. I love you!

And I want to know your new blog site!

Jennifer said...

Beautifully written, Becky! You are a beautiful daughter of the King, and nothing will ever change that! Love you!!

Ashley said...

so well spoken! as are so many of your words. you continue to handle yourself with dignity and grace. what a wonderful example to your kiddos you are! they are blessed! can't wait to see the new blog!

Jennifer said...

Beautifully expressed emotions about what has obviously been a struggle. Would love to get your new blog address and keep following you as you embrace this Plan B. All the best to you!

debbie said...

Becky! Your words are beautifully written and your life is beautifully lived! You are missed around here for sure. I pray that the One who calls you will continue to find you faithful! Can't wait to see what the Lord will do in your Plan B...besides, you always share excellent recipes! :o) Many blessings to you!!

Beth said...

Oh, Becky. You are such an inspiration to me. You are truly a woman of God, and I continue to be amazed at how you are handling your plan b. You are so terribly missed, yet I am so excited to see what God has in store for your life!! Love you!!

I definitely want to know about your new blog!

Melissa said...

Becky, you are such a class act. Thank you for being such an outstanding example of how we should handle ourselves in the midst of chaos. We miss, miss, miss you around here, but we are super excited to see your new blog!

gayle said...

You truly are in my prayers today as I read this. You are so strong, but because He made you strong. You have been and are so graceful in what is an unexpected turn in your life.

I would like to read your new blog, as I have enjoyed reading this one. Please send me the details.

Hugs and love,

Mark and Abby said...

Becky what an inspiring post. We all go through different things in life, but I completely relate and agree with your point of it all being out of our control, and in God's hands. It made me happy when I read you're in a peaceful place and content with your trust in him. I'd love to follow your new blog!

Shannon said...

Becky, thanks for being real. I'm praying for your plan B. I know the Lord is a part of it and you are truly seeking Him during this time.

I'd love to keep up with your new blog and those cute kiddos!

Mimi said...

What an unbelievable inspiration you are to all who have been blessed to know you~I truly feel GOD has even MORE wonderful plans for you in the making...moreso than you could ever imagine...for you continue to give Him all the glory!You are so loved, by so many!

Anonymous said...

I don't think you know me, but we have a mutual friend. I just wanted to say thank you for your words. I don't know your situation or what is going on in your life, but I wanted you to know that your words touched me, no changed me. They made me think differently about my life and way of living. They gave me hope, peace, and an understanding of God that I have not had in a while. Thank you for sharing your life.

Mom said...

You are such an inspiration to me...I thank God every day for the Christian woman you have become and how you show the LIGHT of CHRIST to others. Your children are blessed to have you as their mother and I am blessed to have you as my daughter.
Although it has been a long journey I know God has carried you through this difficult time in your life. I know God has plans for you that you can't imagine because He loves you so much!
We believe in God and He will do what He says He will do!
"I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me!"
I love you always!

Anonymous said...

Thinking about you and the kids today and thought I'd check up on you...LOVED your final post and so needed to hear some of those words. You are so wise, so eloquent, and so graceful in your pain. We truly miss you around here, and we are all so blessed to call you friend. Praying for your Plan B!!
Love, Brooke